I hate the word gringo

I have cometo hate the word gringo, not for what it means, but for its conotation. Here south of the boarder it is my identity, and it might as well imply, onewithout knowledge. I feel very frustratedby this state because everyone more or less knows about where i come from and my expressions. People speak my language and enjoy my customs but look at me with spite when i try to learn about other ways of life that i'm not exposed to on a daily basis with every movie or song i listen to, or whenever i turn on the tv.

In my last few days in Guatemala and now in Costa Rica I have had this sort of deflated feeling that i am an inconvenience. This might be because i have mouched off of my friend Corina whilein Guatemala City, but it is more so that people feel the need to talk to me in English, like i havn't been tryingto learn Spanish. Or when they change to english, the entire mood of the conversation changes from the informal form of vos and puta this or mierda that to a very polite and formal version of english. This might be because i never met these people before, but i felt that there was something on top of that. Like the sound of inconvienince.

So today after a day of traveling and a few days of only speaking spanish to the maidsin Corina's house, i decided to only speak english with Daniel, A nice colombian guy that i metin Brazil, when he picked me up at the airport. I made it easier on him and me and went straight to english and assume my role as the monolingual ¨gringo¨in a world where everyone else speaks more and knows more. This was fine and i had the domminantknowledge in the conversation, something that is bad for me at this juncture. I have given up on practicing my spanish, for fear of more gringo ridicule, not to mention that Costa Rican Spanish is much faster and less clear than Guatemalan Spanish.

I'm not sure how it is for people that speak other languages, maybe they are always ridiculed until they are able to rebut, but right now i´m frustrated. I don't want to forget what i have learned and what i have learned is substantial, but at the same timei hate the gringo pity.

Yo estoy ¨torn¨

quick update

Well i am nearing the end of my trip and it is definitly sad. Two days ago i went to the Mayan ruins at Tikal which was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I was walking around the jungle, seeing andf climbing on thousand year old mayan temples and structures. It is truely amazing to see the beauty of the nature there combined with human creations. All of the work was done without the aid of the wheel. I only wish i had known the significance of the structures, but i was too cheap to get a tour guide or a guide book, so i just walked around gaulking in ignorance. It was reallyhot there, which was tough because there was no place to eat inside the park. I started to feel really woosy at times, but i was saved by salty plantain chips and gatorade. Thank you micheal jordan for making gatorade global.

That night i stayed at a youth hostel, which is always interesting for me. I met a traveler who did his i undergrad at oxford and just finished a year of grad work at princeton, a posh intellectual. Interesting conversations with him, 2 quebequois girls and an argentine. 2 mins left.

Now i'm in livingston, which is a garifunatown, aka town with black guatemalans. It's interesting but i kind of feel like i'm in jamaica at times. Lots of rasta influence. Corina's part of guatemala city looks like beverly hills. there are a lot of ants on the wall here 10 secs, gtg